Beading, contemplation, and life.

So, I deleted all of my old posts, dunno why. Whenever I am away from my blog for a long period of time and come back, I always feel the need to start fresh with a blank slate.

I am finding myself at a real crossroads in life. I don't know who I am, and it seems as though, I am no longer satisfied with that. I feel desperate to find myself. It has led me down a path of some very unhealthy relationships in the last year, only to have them come to an abrupt end. Which was inevitable I suppose, being that they were only a source of negativity for me. Some were old friendships that I spent more time on, and some were new. I would not say that they were mistakes, but stepping stones in finding out what it is that I am searching for. I have learned a lot about myself recently. However I am far from done learning, but are we ever?

I have been searching for something to believe in, something positive to place my focus on. I have attended church, but that still doesn't feel right for me, because I can not make myself believe something that I don't believe. I have researched Buddhism, and I like the philosophy behind it, and it feels more 'me' than Christianity does. I have started meditating, and practicing yoga a little bit, and I like the feeling I get from both. Well, more on that later.

My work schedule has slowed down for the winter. Knowing myself as I do, I know that I am at my best when I am kept busy. So I've decided to get back into one of my favorite hobbies, beading. I have decided to make prayer beads in my spare time. Both Christian prayer beads, and Hindu or Buddhist prayer beads called malas. I am researching all that I am able to, so I have a good understand of both, before making them. I have ordered supplies to make catholic rosaries. I know that sounds crazy, being that I no longer believe in the catholic religion, but I am baptized catholic, and I was raised in the catholic church. I have always found them beautiful and I know I will enjoy making them. I hope to set up an etsy shop and sell them eventually, or I may give them away as gifts. Next I will order supplies to make a few malas!

I plan to make something like this with my first order of beads...

I'm pretty excited to start making them, I think it will be really therapeutic!